Medical Satire Enthusiast Pillows

'I do not think I'm a God. God like, yes. But not God.'

'Conventional medicine says take an aspirin. In the absence of tort reform, defensive medicine says MRI and Cat Scan.'

'Botched attempt is correct. But can anyone suggest a more family-friendly way of describing what happened?'

'Now why did I come in here?'

'I understand you've had some trouble with your breast implants.'

'This one was real stubborn. Had to up his medication three times before he'd agree to sign the liability waver.'

'I gave it a healthy dose of denial, but it didn't help.'

'It's worse than a piece of surgical equipment. We accidentally left the surgeon inside you.'

'I'm upgrading your condition fro stable to malingerer.'

Medication.

'Yours is an elective surgery, so we're still deciding if we feel like doing it or not.'

'There - you can reach for wallet without any trouble at all.'

"Oh my, no ..I don't actually treat anyone anymore.. With the cost of malpractice insurance, I send them all to specialists!"

"For the last time you cannot catch a computer virus."

"Mr Miller has bowel trouble."

"I'm afraid we've had to move him to expensive care."

Make him take 16 of these a day until we feel a bit better about what we're doing to him.

Man sees sign on hospital: 'Heart Surgeons Wanted' 'Immediate Openings'

'The medical reimbursement system is sick and there is no race for the cure.'

"Before you ask for another pillow, Mr. Johnson, ask yourself this: Do I really need it?"

'I need a second opinion. Is this an obscene phone call or a patient with a respiratory problem?'

'You can have general anesthesia or just be numbed from the wallet down.'

Patient's meal.

'I'm afraid that your irritable bowel syndrome has progressed. You now have furious and vindictive bowel syndrome.'

'I take it that it's not good news doc'

"I blame the nurses."

'Remember the NHS ethos; if it ain't broke, break it. Then make sure it can't be mended.'

"Can you please identify which hand was mistakenly amputated."

Man asks doctor for second opinion of Alzheimers.

'Before you get dressed my nurse will administer a mild shock treatment.'

'Side effects'

Gynecology pigeon hole

'Let's be on the safe side and hang another liter of chicken soup...'

'For seventy-five more dollars we can turn this into a Singing Angiogram.'

'Fear not. It's our strict policy, during surgery, to not transfuse with attorney blood.'