Sick Bed Humorist Pillows

'It's another squirrel - from the park. I warned you not to start feeding them.'

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

'But they told me to take her down to theatre...'

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

Robodoc... the NHS surgeon of the future.

"In case something happens during the surgery and you become incapacitated, have you designated someone to make poor life choices on your behalf?"

What's that? - 'It's a mosquito bite.' - 'Scratch it!' - 'No, I need to buy some cream.' - 'Make it bleed!!!' - 'Gahhh!!!' -

"WHich one is mine?"

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

'See? The idiots put my danged knee replacement in backward!'

"He's going to be O.K., but he still wants you to remarry."

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'

Woman in hospital has i.v. attached to plant.

Downloading Pregnancy

'Let me guess...it's contagious!'

"Sorry, that's not my table."

Down a the lab - Germs "So what will you do when you grow up?" "Oh the usual...divide,multiply,infect,kill.."

'Wow! That was quite some push Mrs Smith...'

'The funny part is that the aerial was fine -- the TV set was just unplugged!'

"You'll feel a pinch now and another one when the bill comes."

Saline Drip Sommelier.

I just hope my doctor is not on twitter too!

"We've combine the recovery area with the gift shop... just in case your visitors want to pick up a little souvenir."

A Hypochondriac's Worst Nightmare

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. Your HMO won't cover the Anesthesia."

"The patient in 12-C needs comforting."

"Gross."

'Gee!' (doctor looking at x-ray)

Mr. Evers specifically asked for a plain coffee, not an espresso.

'G-g-golly! One day out of med school and I'm about to perform brain surgery! Just look at that scalpel shake!'

"According to your brain scan, you just don't want to go back to work."

Medical Equipment profit chart.

"We'll have someone to help you as soon as we've recruited and trained them. Shouldn't be more than 5 or 6 years!"