Sick Day Humorist Pillows

"It's not the flu. I got a very bad case of tired blood."

"I won't be in today. I've decided to live off the land."

"Here's the deal, throw me back and I won't text your boss telling him you called in sick to fish."

"If I've timed this right, symptoms should start at exactly 9 a.m. Monday."

"I don't feel like going to school. Isn't that a flu-like symptom?"

'Another sick note from your employer !'

'It's another squirrel - from the park. I warned you not to start feeding them.'

"He's never had a day off work through illness. He always stretches it to a week!"

'Can't come in to work today. I'm in bed with a nasty bug.'

"Asides from today's wind-chill factor, what else might you consider all your parents' fault?"

"You better take Teddy's temperature too....he was awfully sick this morning!"

'Tell the doctor that I'm too sick to see him.'

'Have you heard of the Phrase,'Survival of the fittest'?' 'Uh-ho!'

'He used to be my tiger, now he's nothing more than a skunk, a boar and a lying toad.'

"Fever, chills and dizziness. Sounds like you have a Math test at work today."

'If you have a toothache, take the day off, you would be useless at work anyway...'

"I don't think I'm going to be in today, I got a bit wrecked at the weekend."

"I've lost my voice. Is it contagious?"

'So, are we going for a walk or what?'

'I'm sorry, Mr. Harris is not here. In fact nobody's here. I think it's a staff infection!'

"I forgot to call in dead."

'I'm still pretty unwell, I'm not sure if I'll be in the office tomorrow.'

'I couldn't decide what to wear to work so I just didn't go.'

I can't come in today. I haven't got chronic diarrhoea!

Woman watches TV wrapped up in warm clothing.

'Your absence is as expendable as your appendix, Merryweather!'

Go home and take your cold with you.

Cold Remedies

'Take ten days off work.'

'If I work at home and I'm sick, do I have to go to the office?'

"Walt won't be at work today - he's flipped on his back!"

'Mr. Breeding won't be in today - so you people at the office have fun.'

"It's your work. Are you still sick or what?"

'The good news is that we're going to name the disease after you.'

'I can't come to work today. I'm in bed with some kind of bug.'