Sick Day Comedian Pillows

'Have you heard of the Phrase,'Survival of the fittest'?' 'Uh-ho!'

"I won't be in today. I've decided to live off the land."

"Here's the deal, throw me back and I won't text your boss telling him you called in sick to fish."

"If I've timed this right, symptoms should start at exactly 9 a.m. Monday."

"I don't feel like going to school. Isn't that a flu-like symptom?"

'Another sick note from your employer !'

'It's another squirrel - from the park. I warned you not to start feeding them.'

"He's never had a day off work through illness. He always stretches it to a week!"

'Can't come in to work today. I'm in bed with a nasty bug.'

"You better take Teddy's temperature too....he was awfully sick this morning!"

'Tell the doctor that I'm too sick to see him.'

'He used to be my tiger, now he's nothing more than a skunk, a boar and a lying toad.'

'If you have a toothache, take the day off, you would be useless at work anyway...'

"I don't think I'm going to be in today, I got a bit wrecked at the weekend."

"How am I? I'm just trying to et over the flu in time for allergy season."

"Fever, chills and dizziness. Sounds like you have a Math test at work today."

"I've lost my voice. Is it contagious?"

'So, are we going for a walk or what?'

"I forgot to call in dead."

Woman watches TV wrapped up in warm clothing.

I can't come in today. I haven't got chronic diarrhoea!

'I couldn't decide what to wear to work so I just didn't go.'

'I'm sorry, Mr. Harris is not here. In fact nobody's here. I think it's a staff infection!'

'I'm still pretty unwell, I'm not sure if I'll be in the office tomorrow.'

'Your absence is as expendable as your appendix, Merryweather!'

Go home and take your cold with you.

'No, you don't have fever. You have to go to school.'

'Take ten days off work.'

'Mr. Breeding won't be in today - so you people at the office have fun.'

"It's your work. Are you still sick or what?"

"Walt won't be at work today - he's flipped on his back!"

Cold Remedies

'If I work at home and I'm sick, do I have to go to the office?'

"It's not the flu. I got a very bad case of tired blood."

'The good news is that we're going to name the disease after you.'