Medical Mishap Humorist Pillows

'It's bad enough that you dropped your end of the stretcher, but did you have to yell 'BOMBS AWAY'?'

'Regulator valve blew off of the oxygen tank!!!'

'Sylvia? It's Allen. Listen, I accidentally left the shop with a knee ligament kit...Yeah, yeah, I know. I am an idiot. Anyway, could you send someone out pronto with the kit for rotator cuffs?'

Doctor talks to face that is halfway down man's body: 'I'm afraid the face transplant has not quite taken.'

"And do you get a shooting pain between your eyes?"

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

Ice Cream Surgeon

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

Doctor pulling golf caddy sees patient pulling oxygen caddy.

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

"Would you please step back to the machine while I make an adjustment?"

"Hope you don't mind, but I can't find my little hammer."

We did a biopsy on the mole we removed, and it turns out it was just an old piece of chocolate.

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

Vlad the Inhaler

"The answer to bone loss is to bury them deeper.'

'Maybe it is psychosomatic.'

'ooh! A womb with a view.'

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

'AHH, here it is! At the next intersection, turn left, then cough, following that, turn right, then cough...' WHEN DOCTORS NAVIGATE.

I'm taking you off trying to stay young.

'What's wrong with me, Doctor?' 'I have no idea! That information comes within doctor-patient confidentiality.'

'It's the only known prevention for swine flu...Big bad wolf serum...'

What do MD and PHD mean? It means the doctor owes a lot of money in student loans.

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

'He's our new Bone Specialist!'

"I'm putting you on a beef diet. Nothing beef for breakfast, nothing beef for lunch, nothing beef for tea, nothing beef for..."

Happy Birthday to you.

'We tend to favour more traditional anaesthetic techniques here.'

'It's a new technique for training interns: suture by numbers,'

"How long before the clinical trials are over?"

'I think it's damn unprofessional for a dermatologist to scream 'Yikes' like that.'

"You only need one prescription. The other 7 are for the side effects."