Medical Malpractice Humorist Pillows

"Malpractice? The joke's on you. I don't have a license."

"You are perfectly healthy, your Highness."

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

Ice Cream Surgeon

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

Doctor pulling golf caddy sees patient pulling oxygen caddy.

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

"Would you please step back to the machine while I make an adjustment?"

Vlad the Inhaler

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

"Hope you don't mind, but I can't find my little hammer."

"The answer to bone loss is to bury them deeper.'

'ooh! A womb with a view.'

'Maybe it is psychosomatic.'

'AHH, here it is! At the next intersection, turn left, then cough, following that, turn right, then cough...' WHEN DOCTORS NAVIGATE.

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

I'm taking you off trying to stay young.

'What's wrong with me, Doctor?' 'I have no idea! That information comes within doctor-patient confidentiality.'

What do MD and PHD mean? It means the doctor owes a lot of money in student loans.

'It's the only known prevention for swine flu...Big bad wolf serum...'

"Reverend, I recommend you turn the other cheek."

'He's our new Bone Specialist!'

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

"I'm putting you on a beef diet. Nothing beef for breakfast, nothing beef for lunch, nothing beef for tea, nothing beef for..."

Happy Birthday to you.

'It may be more inconvenient, but the 'Reverse Prostate Exam' is a lot less embarrassing for the both of us.'

'We tend to favour more traditional anaesthetic techniques here.'

"How long before the clinical trials are over?"

'I think it's damn unprofessional for a dermatologist to scream 'Yikes' like that.'

Cat Scan

"You only need one prescription. The other 7 are for the side effects."

'We'll need to run some preliminary tests to see if you're healthy enough for more invasive follow-up tests.'