Malpractice Humorist Pillows

"So I took a little nap - what kind of malpractice is taking a little nap?"

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

MEDICAL SCHOOL, 'I didn't know you COULD specialize in insurance.'

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

Patent Attorney (invisible man)

"Bailiff."

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

"You'll note that the card isn't signed so my declaration of undying love isn't legally binding!"

"I must insist on my lawyer present."

"Have you, or any of your acquaintances, ever been described as 'frolicsome'?"

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

Loopholes

"Look, I tried to tell everyone Timmy was in the well but no, what do I know, I'm just a dog!"

"Even if I did believe that he was communicating through you. I'm afraid it's too late to change the will now."

'Your Honor, we've decided to go with the inanity defense...'

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

'I got a suspended sentence.'

How was I supposed to know she was under age?

'At first it was a few dollars here and a few dollars there. Then I realized I'd have to pay my lawyer.'

"Are you trying to show contempt for this court."

'I believe in trial and error, I believe my client being brought to trial is an error.'

"No, officer, I don' t know how fast I was driving. I had my head sticking out of the window."

"We are here to remove a blockage in your bank account."

'We the jury find the defendant very, very, very, guilty.'

Fairtale prosecutions.

"I'm sorry, Master, but all my offers to grant your wishes are invalid under the laws of your state."

"...and furthermore that said housewife violated both the animal cruelty statute as well as the disability act when she willfully cut off the tails of three visually impaired rodents."

Justice

"Repeat after me..."