Malpractice Humorist Pillows

"So I took a little nap - what kind of malpractice is taking a little nap?"

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

MEDICAL SCHOOL, 'I didn't know you COULD specialize in insurance.'

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

"Oh dear, it's just as we suspected.. they do come from another planet."

Patent Attorney (invisible man)

"Bailiff."

"I must insist on my lawyer present."

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

"You'll note that the card isn't signed so my declaration of undying love isn't legally binding!"

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

"Have you, or any of your acquaintances, ever been described as 'frolicsome'?"

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

"Before the defense rests, my client would like to read you a little sonnet he composed about his love for the jury."

Loopholes

"Look, I tried to tell everyone Timmy was in the well but no, what do I know, I'm just a dog!"

The Scones-Monkey Trial. I, Judge Sadie, am prepared to rule. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Intelligent design versus evolution. Borrrinnng. That is my legal finding. Appeal. Will all bipeds please rise.

"Even if I did believe that he was communicating through you. I'm afraid it's too late to change the will now."

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

'I got a suspended sentence.'

'Your Honor, we've decided to go with the inanity defense...'

"No, officer, I don' t know how fast I was driving. I had my head sticking out of the window."

"I'm sorry, Master, but all my offers to grant your wishes are invalid under the laws of your state."

"Repeat after me..."

"...and furthermore that said housewife violated both the animal cruelty statute as well as the disability act when she willfully cut off the tails of three visually impaired rodents."

Fairtale prosecutions.

How was I supposed to know she was under age?

Justice

"We are here to remove a blockage in your bank account."

'We the jury find the defendant very, very, very, guilty.'

'I believe in trial and error, I believe my client being brought to trial is an error.'

"Are you trying to show contempt for this court."