Court Case Humorist Pillows

CartoonStock Upload"I don't know what made the officer think I was speeding."

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

Patent Attorney (invisible man)

"Bailiff."

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

"You'll note that the card isn't signed so my declaration of undying love isn't legally binding!"

"Have you, or any of your acquaintances, ever been described as 'frolicsome'?"

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

"I must insist on my lawyer present."

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

"The prosecution shall stop referring to the defendant as 'the alleged, totally guilty as sin guy'."

"Why won't you cuddle?"

"Stop billing your daughter for reading her bedtime stories!!"

"Look, I tried to tell everyone Timmy was in the well but no, what do I know, I'm just a dog!"

"Am I going to get my just desserts?"

"Dave here, is a lawyer. But don't be too impressed, he only specialises in petty crime."

Loopholes

Lawyer's secretary has in boxes labeled: Before the Fact and After the Fact.

'He's not called the 'Hanging About Judge' for nothing.'

'But your honor, imitation is the sincerest form of copyright infringement.'

"Even if I did believe that he was communicating through you. I'm afraid it's too late to change the will now."

'The highest court in the land.'

"The witness will confine his 'Knock knock' answers to 'Who's there?'"

'I got a suspended sentence.'

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

'Your Honor, we've decided to go with the inanity defense...'

"...and furthermore that said housewife violated both the animal cruelty statute as well as the disability act when she willfully cut off the tails of three visually impaired rodents."

How was I supposed to know she was under age?

Fairtale prosecutions.