Humorist At Law Pillows

'We need our lawyers to perform CPR on this group...Confuse, Perplex and Rattle.'

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

Patent Attorney (invisible man)

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

"Have you, or any of your acquaintances, ever been described as 'frolicsome'?"

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

"You'll note that the card isn't signed so my declaration of undying love isn't legally binding!"

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

"I must insist on my lawyer present."

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

"The prosecution shall stop referring to the defendant as 'the alleged, totally guilty as sin guy'."

"Why won't you cuddle?"

"Stop billing your daughter for reading her bedtime stories!!"

"Look, I tried to tell everyone Timmy was in the well but no, what do I know, I'm just a dog!"

"Am I going to get my just desserts?"

"Dave here, is a lawyer. But don't be too impressed, he only specialises in petty crime."

Lawyer's secretary has in boxes labeled: Before the Fact and After the Fact.

'He's not called the 'Hanging About Judge' for nothing.'

Loopholes

'But your honor, imitation is the sincerest form of copyright infringement.'

"Even if I did believe that he was communicating through you. I'm afraid it's too late to change the will now."

'The highest court in the land.'

"The witness will confine his 'Knock knock' answers to 'Who's there?'"

'Your Honor, we've decided to go with the inanity defense...'

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

'I got a suspended sentence.'

Fairtale prosecutions.

How was I supposed to know she was under age?