Law Humorist Pillows

Lady to other: 'I teach culinary law. I specialize in torts.'

'You have the right to legal representation, if you can't afford a lawyer, an inexperienced, second rate one will be appointed to you.'

"I represent the estate of the deceased."

Bill Barr kicks Lady Justice

'Are you aware under the new terrorism laws I can hold you without charge for up to 90 days?'

"Where did this thing come from? It's a major trip hazard if you ask me!"

'Oh yeah? Well, Murphy's law doesn't apply here.'

'Costwise, are we thinking Kavanagh QL or Rumpole?'

"No, officer, I don' t know how fast I was driving. I had my head sticking out of the window."

Went back to get my Juris Doctor - put money in the hat or I'll sue.

'Don't tell me we live in a litigious society... I ought to sue you for saying that!'

'It seems silly to me, too, but there's a local ordinance against handguns.'

Illegal sex acts.

Yobs trying to put a policeman into a blue bottle bank

I have to pay my fines in the juvenile court.

'I'm sorry, it's a new goverment law - I'm not allowed to serve anyone over eighteen stone.'

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

'Hello, Sir. Are you answering this call on a hands-free mobile?' 'Em...'

'Just calling to let you know that driving while talking on a cell phone is illegal in this state.'

Bill Gates ambushed by divorce lawyers.

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

Patent Attorney (invisible man)

"Bailiff."

"You'll note that the card isn't signed so my declaration of undying love isn't legally binding!"

"We make crime pay."

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

"Have you, or any of your acquaintances, ever been described as 'frolicsome'?"

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

"I must insist on my lawyer present."

"Not guilty by reason of genetic determinism, Your Honor."

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."