Law Humor Enthusiast Pillows

The day begins at the copyright office - "Morning Jeff(TM)"...

Corporate Lawyers

"We'd tell you if we thought the defendant was innocent."

'A limited partnership? It means you can't sue or skim.'

'What about all the crimes I am innocent of?'

"You declared him to be a hostile witness, your honor."

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

Barristers

"Oh dear, it's just as we suspected.. they do come from another planet."

"Bailiff."

"Do you have a good attorney or a bad attorney?"

"We make crime pay."

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

"This is my client's videotaped deposition—please be considerate and rewind after viewing."

"Not guilty by reason of genetic determinism, Your Honor."

A baby in court

Pre-nuptal Agreement.

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

Just our luck...old school crime translation classes!

"Great news, Mr. Corrigan. That large, life-threatening lump we removed from your back turned out to be your lawyer."

"Recess is over, Your Honor."

"Does it hurt when my attorney does this?"

"We're in luck, not a word about retrospectivity."

"The witness will confine his 'Knock knock' answers to 'Who's there?'"

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

"At least he's honest about it..."

'Furthermore, had a handrail been fitted to the wall , my client would not be sitting here now.'

"No, officer, I don' t know how fast I was driving. I had my head sticking out of the window."

'I didn't know it was a one-trip salad bar!'

'Ignorance of the law is no excuse, dummy!'

"Once again, I simply don't recall."