Legal Humor Buff Pillows

"Another outburst like that, counsellor, and I'll order suppressing fire."

Ignorance of the Law

Motion denied. Your lips say "motion denied," but your eyes say "approach the bench."

'I didn't know the EPA could get you for dandruff!'

'I'll take your case since every defendant is guaranteed a fair trial provided you don't try to use my office as a hideout.'

No Win, No Fee-Fi-Fo-Fum.

Your Honor, We Find The Defendant 'Naughty'.

'The next case, Your Honor, is Elmer B. Galsworthy versus just about everybody else.'

'Identity theft, eh? -- Just who do you think you are?'

'Bailiff, there's a fight in the jury room. Someone turned off Dr. Phil.'

"Five year non-exclusive? We just want to abduct him."

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

Barristers

I'm accused of kicking you in the womb, but your evidence is purely circumstantial. Lawyer baby.

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

Patent Attorney (invisible man)

"Bailiff."

"Do you have a good attorney or a bad attorney?"

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

"I must insist on my lawyer present."

"We make crime pay."

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

"You'll note that the card isn't signed so my declaration of undying love isn't legally binding!"

"Have you, or any of your acquaintances, ever been described as 'frolicsome'?"

"Not guilty by reason of genetic determinism, Your Honor."

"This is my client's videotaped deposition—please be considerate and rewind after viewing."

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

A baby in court