Legal Comedy Buff Pillows

"Of course I stand behind my work, counselor. I'm a proctologist."

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

Patent Attorney (invisible man)

"Bailiff."

"Do you have a good attorney or a bad attorney?"

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

"I must insist on my lawyer present."

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

"We make crime pay."

"You'll note that the card isn't signed so my declaration of undying love isn't legally binding!"

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

"Have you, or any of your acquaintances, ever been described as 'frolicsome'?"

"Not guilty by reason of genetic determinism, Your Honor."

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

A baby in court

"Great news, Mr. Corrigan. That large, life-threatening lump we removed from your back turned out to be your lawyer."

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

Pre-nuptal Agreement.

Loopholes

Just our luck...old school crime translation classes!

"Look, I tried to tell everyone Timmy was in the well but no, what do I know, I'm just a dog!"

"Does it hurt when my attorney does this?"

"Even if I did believe that he was communicating through you. I'm afraid it's too late to change the will now."

"The witness will confine his 'Knock knock' answers to 'Who's there?'"

'I got a suspended sentence.'

'Your Honor, we've decided to go with the inanity defense...'

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

"At least he's honest about it..."

"Once again, I simply don't recall."

"I'm sorry, Master, but all my offers to grant your wishes are invalid under the laws of your state."

Fairtale prosecutions.