Legal Comedy Enthusiasts Pillows

"He's been trained in guard duty, attack, and litigation."

"Bailiff."

"We make crime pay."

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

"Not guilty by reason of genetic determinism, Your Honor."

A baby in court

Pre-nuptal Agreement.

Just our luck...old school crime translation classes!

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

"Does it hurt when my attorney does this?"

"The witness will confine his 'Knock knock' answers to 'Who's there?'"

"At least he's honest about it..."

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

"He may be only a junior partner, but remember - his mother destroyed half of Tokyo."

My client is claiming that you have discriminated against him as a species, that your refusal to let him sniff client's bottoms is against his canine rights and that your policies have acted against him reaching partnership.

"Once again, I simply don't recall."

Attorney At Law: Today's special - Bankruptcy and Divorce. Two for the price of one.

Baby's first words.

Judge about dancing lawyer: 'When you get to the second stanza of this song and dance, please approach the bench.'

'Overruled, you may continue.'

"I'll convert. What does the attorney general recommend?"

'Judge Mental.'

"I'm thinking of suing your cafe. I just got a $2,000 dental bill. You should be paying for it." "I'm in here every day and I always order your sugary scones and your sugar-filled lattes." "That's why I had twelve cavities!" "I'll settle out of court for a scone and a latte." "No deal."

"Well the good news is that we came top in at least one category of the latest diversity tables..."

Hermes, Process Server Of The Gods

'Come to order' 'I'll have a burger, hold the mayo, and a large cola.'

"Wait a minute! This is a copy of 'TV Guide.' "

John McWit, Divorce Lawyer & Celibate,

"My wife, my best friend and our prenup!"

"Yeah, I'm out on bail: The judge laughed when he said I was not a flight risk..."

"From here on out it's term and conditions."

"Your Honor, I wish to introduce as Exhibit A this bullet with the victim's name on it."

'I've been charged with evading jury duty.'