Legal Comedy Enthusiasts Gifts

"He's been trained in guard duty, attack, and litigation."

I'm accused of kicking you in the womb, but your evidence is purely circumstantial. Lawyer baby.

"Bailiff."

"We make crime pay."

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

"Not guilty by reason of genetic determinism, Your Honor."

A baby in court

Pre-nuptal Agreement.

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

Just our luck...old school crime translation classes!

"Does it hurt when my attorney does this?"

"The witness will confine his 'Knock knock' answers to 'Who's there?'"

"At least he's honest about it..."

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

"He may be only a junior partner, but remember - his mother destroyed half of Tokyo."

My client is claiming that you have discriminated against him as a species, that your refusal to let him sniff client's bottoms is against his canine rights and that your policies have acted against him reaching partnership.

"Once again, I simply don't recall."

Attorney At Law: Today's special - Bankruptcy and Divorce. Two for the price of one.

Baby's first words.

Judge about dancing lawyer: 'When you get to the second stanza of this song and dance, please approach the bench.'

'Let's agree to disagree.'

'Overruled, you may continue.'

"I'll convert. What does the attorney general recommend?"

'Judge Mental.'

"...And now show us what you said."

John McWit, Divorce Lawyer & Celibate,

Frank abuses the Power of Attorney.

Hermes, Process Server Of The Gods

"From here on out it's term and conditions."

'Come to order' 'I'll have a burger, hold the mayo, and a large cola.'

Mega Pharmaceuticals Legal Dept. What if we claim a generic knockoff of our miracle drug is blasphemous?

"Your Honor, I wish to introduce as Exhibit A this bullet with the victim's name on it."

"Wait a minute! This is a copy of 'TV Guide.' "

"Well the good news is that we came top in at least one category of the latest diversity tables..."

"I'm thinking of suing your cafe. I just got a $2,000 dental bill. You should be paying for it." "I'm in here every day and I always order your sugary scones and your sugar-filled lattes." "That's why I had twelve cavities!" "I'll settle out of court for a scone and a latte." "No deal."