Legal Comedy Fan Gifts

'Don't feel bad - some guys lose everything.'

'Dr Carlson will be operating on you, and should anything go wrong we have his team, Stephenson from media management, Wilson from press liaison, Johnson from legal...'

'And it's clear for all to see that the accused deomstrates evidence of bad character...'

'...and to my darling little pussycat, Tiddles, I leave my budgerigar, two white mice and four goldfish.'

"I have now decided the strategy on how to present your case in court."

"My client will not answer that question as it presupposes his sanity."

Generally newspapers are indicators of breakfast food or the possibility of feces...but I know there was some sort of rolled up clause in here.

Fifty cents for a cup of coffee? -- then you spill it on yourself and sue me, right?

Little girl tired of being teased for her freckles.

Everyone has the right to a lawyer.

Warning: Quitting smoking now will greatly reduce your chances of getting a piece of the settlement pie.

'My client pleads guilty to misappropriation of funds but asks that charges be dismissed for lack of public outcry.'

'I sentence you to 30 days in jail; and I sentence your attorney to 10 days for coming up with such a stupid defense.'

'Our biggest mistake was calling your wife as a character witness.'

'Expanding away from insurance has caused a few problems...'

'Um...Can you describe the car, your honor?'

'Before you get any ideas, you're not in my will.'

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

Barristers

I'm accused of kicking you in the womb, but your evidence is purely circumstantial. Lawyer baby.

"Permission To Treat Prosecutor as Hostile, Your Honor?"

Just our luck...old school crime translation classes!

"Recess is over, Your Honor."

"Does it hurt when my attorney does this?"

'You're the watchdog. Do you honestly expect us to believe you didn't see anything?'

"We're in luck, not a word about retrospectivity."

'Furthermore, had a handrail been fitted to the wall , my client would not be sitting here now.'

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

A Judge about to enter an operating theatre for a 'Clinical Trial'.

'That's the lawyer in me trying to get out.'

'Ignorance of the law is no excuse, dummy!'

Antonin Scalia

'I didn't know it was a one-trip salad bar!'