Legal Comedy Enthusiast Gifts

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

"I know what Ally McBeal would do."

"Hi Mom - Did you get my subpoena?"

Dicorce lawyer: 'I can't promise you custody of your money. But I'll make darn sure you get full visitation rights!'

'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

Barristers

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

Patent Attorney (invisible man)

"Bailiff."

"Do you have a good attorney or a bad attorney?"

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

"I must insist on my lawyer present."

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

"We make crime pay."

"You'll note that the card isn't signed so my declaration of undying love isn't legally binding!"

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

"Have you, or any of your acquaintances, ever been described as 'frolicsome'?"

"This is my client's videotaped deposition—please be considerate and rewind after viewing."

"Not guilty by reason of genetic determinism, Your Honor."

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

A baby in court

Just our luck...old school crime translation classes!

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

"Great news, Mr. Corrigan. That large, life-threatening lump we removed from your back turned out to be your lawyer."

Pre-nuptal Agreement.

Loopholes

"Look, I tried to tell everyone Timmy was in the well but no, what do I know, I'm just a dog!"

"Recess is over, Your Honor."

"Does it hurt when my attorney does this?"

"Even if I did believe that he was communicating through you. I'm afraid it's too late to change the will now."

"We're in luck, not a word about retrospectivity."