Legal Comedy Gifts

"Sue me"

This is your park and a guy bitten by a squirrel is suing you.

"Calm down! This wood doll is the best attorney ourcompany ever had."

'Your accident can't be accepted as an industrial accident because you didn't wear your hard hat.'

'Since when is good will towards men a crime?'

'The only character witness is a video rental clerk who will testify you always rewound your videotapes.'

'I helped put her through law school, and now she's suing me for divorce!'

"You can't object, you're a juror."

"I'm acting as my own attorney, may I act as my own jailer too?"

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

I'm accused of kicking you in the womb, but your evidence is purely circumstantial. Lawyer baby.

Barristers

"Bailiff."

"Do you have a good attorney or a bad attorney?"

"We make crime pay."

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

"Not guilty by reason of genetic determinism, Your Honor."

A baby in court

Luke Skywalker- Matrimonial Law

"I don't like lawyer jokes. Lawyers don't think they're funny and other people don't think they're jokes."

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

Pre-nuptal Agreement.

"Recess is over, Your Honor."

'You're the watchdog. Do you honestly expect us to believe you didn't see anything?'

"We're in luck, not a word about retrospectivity."

"The witness will confine his 'Knock knock' answers to 'Who's there?'"

'Furthermore, had a handrail been fitted to the wall , my client would not be sitting here now.'

"At least he's honest about it..."

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

'Your Honor, we've decided to go with the inanity defense...'

"Once again, I simply don't recall."

'Ignorance of the law is no excuse, dummy!'