Legal Humor Lovers Gifts

Baby's first words.

'As to bond - while I personally have faith in your client the court cannot ignore the obvious risk of flight.'

'Uh oh! I don't like the looks of that jury.'

'Sure, I've had a few run-ins with the law. But it wasn't all my fault. As a child I was once left … unsupervised.'

"Quick, everyone run before they invent lawyers!"

A lawyer is addressed by the judge in court - 'Seven years of Law at Harvard and the best you can do is 'liar, liar, pants on fire?!'...'

'Can you fix it? Justice must be seen to be done!'

'I sentence you to nine consecutive life terms.'

"My client wants half, plus another fifteen per cent to cover my fees."

"But before we begin, this from legal, 'Be careful what you wish for.'"

Clancy: Conviction

'Mom, this is Suzie McWhortny -- she was my Valentine last year and now she's suing me for palimony.'

'Just be patient -- we're drawing up the indictment now.'

I stole the painting to prevent it leaving the country.

'I'm hoping some day the technology will develop so we may sue over the internet.'

"You stand accused of several million counts of trespass...'

'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

Barristers

"Bailiff."

"Do you have a good attorney or a bad attorney?"

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

"We make crime pay."

"This is my client's videotaped deposition—please be considerate and rewind after viewing."

"Not guilty by reason of genetic determinism, Your Honor."

A baby in court

"I don't like lawyer jokes. Lawyers don't think they're funny and other people don't think they're jokes."

Just our luck...old school crime translation classes!

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

Pre-nuptal Agreement.

"Great news, Mr. Corrigan. That large, life-threatening lump we removed from your back turned out to be your lawyer."

"Recess is over, Your Honor."

"Does it hurt when my attorney does this?"

'You're the watchdog. Do you honestly expect us to believe you didn't see anything?'