Legal Humor Lover Gifts

"Recess is over, Your Honor."

'Should I make a note of the fact that the witness has grown a Pinocchio nose, your honor?'

One tramp to another: "You can tell the insolvency lawyers a mile off these days."

"Make eye contact with the jury, but not homicidal-maniac eye contact."

Night of the living will

"Is this necessary, Your Honor? I'm an expert."

Way too much information on your resume.

"May we have a recess your honor? My client's pants are on fire."

"We ask that bail be set at $1,000. The defendant poses a significant flight risk."

Viking in the dock: His barrister says: 'Your honour, my client was simply expanding his business interests. We object to the use of the word 'pillaging'.'

'Do you honestly expect this court to believe, Mr. Chicken, that your only reason for crossing the road, on the night in question, was to get to the other side?'

'During discovery we found five more things to bill about.'

'We were emulating Milgram's experiment but legal made us replace fictitious electric shocks with imaginary mild criticism to avoid litigation.'

"We're in luck, not a word about retrospectivity."

'I don't know about you guys, but my mail has been running two to one against the constitution.'

When victim impact statements go horribly wrong.

"It's clear from the replay that it was a leading question."

'We're still refining our jury selection process.'

'I understand Benson is the principle partner here.'

"You call this a brief. It's thirty pages long."

'This is an exremely grave offence!'

'The whole hand, Mr. Tamano.'

'Instinct is no excuse.'

'No, go ahead. I enjoy good gossipy hearsay.'

'Any chance of a plea bargain?'

"… and just how much blood can we get out of this turnip?"

For 364 days of the year Santa was a very successsful divorce lawyer.

'Fear not. It's our strict policy, during surgery, to not transfuse with attorney blood.'

'Don't worry Mr Dumpty. We'll bring suit against all the King's men and all the King's horses for practicing medicine without a license.'

Must I also sing and dance?

Attorney with subpoena chasing runner.

A difficult position.

"… And, just where are we feeling this alleged pain?"

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

"You want the truth, the whole truth, or nothing but the truth?"