Legal Humor Lover Pillows

"Recess is over, Your Honor."

'Should I make a note of the fact that the witness has grown a Pinocchio nose, your honor?'

One tramp to another: "You can tell the insolvency lawyers a mile off these days."

"Make eye contact with the jury, but not homicidal-maniac eye contact."

Night of the living will

"Is this necessary, Your Honor? I'm an expert."

"May we have a recess your honor? My client's pants are on fire."

Way too much information on your resume.

"We ask that bail be set at $1,000. The defendant poses a significant flight risk."

Viking in the dock: His barrister says: 'Your honour, my client was simply expanding his business interests. We object to the use of the word 'pillaging'.'

'We were emulating Milgram's experiment but legal made us replace fictitious electric shocks with imaginary mild criticism to avoid litigation.'

'During discovery we found five more things to bill about.'

'Do you honestly expect this court to believe, Mr. Chicken, that your only reason for crossing the road, on the night in question, was to get to the other side?'

"It's clear from the replay that it was a leading question."

"We're in luck, not a word about retrospectivity."

When victim impact statements go horribly wrong.

'I don't know about you guys, but my mail has been running two to one against the constitution.'

"You call this a brief. It's thirty pages long."

'This is an exremely grave offence!'

'We're still refining our jury selection process.'

'I understand Benson is the principle partner here.'

"… and just how much blood can we get out of this turnip?"

Must I also sing and dance?

'Don't worry Mr Dumpty. We'll bring suit against all the King's men and all the King's horses for practicing medicine without a license.'

'No, go ahead. I enjoy good gossipy hearsay.'

For 364 days of the year Santa was a very successsful divorce lawyer.

'Instinct is no excuse.'

'Fear not. It's our strict policy, during surgery, to not transfuse with attorney blood.'

'Any chance of a plea bargain?'

'The whole hand, Mr. Tamano.'

"We're selling a box of sugar, but legal wants the disclaimer 'No Added Sugar'"

Reincarnation is not kind to lawyers!

"… And, just where are we feeling this alleged pain?"

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

Lawyer Time Travel