Legal Humor Buffs Pillows

'The prisons are full, so I'm going to knock some sense into you!'

"I get that quite a bit. Actually, I'm a lawyer."

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

I'm accused of kicking you in the womb, but your evidence is purely circumstantial. Lawyer baby.

Barristers

"Bailiff."

"Do you have a good attorney or a bad attorney?"

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

"We make crime pay."

"Not guilty by reason of genetic determinism, Your Honor."

"This is my client's videotaped deposition—please be considerate and rewind after viewing."

A baby in court

Just our luck...old school crime translation classes!

"I don't like lawyer jokes. Lawyers don't think they're funny and other people don't think they're jokes."

"Great news, Mr. Corrigan. That large, life-threatening lump we removed from your back turned out to be your lawyer."

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

Luke Skywalker- Matrimonial Law

Pre-nuptal Agreement.

"Recess is over, Your Honor."

"Does it hurt when my attorney does this?"

'You're the watchdog. Do you honestly expect us to believe you didn't see anything?'

"We're in luck, not a word about retrospectivity."

"The witness will confine his 'Knock knock' answers to 'Who's there?'"

A rare picture of Henry VIII's divorce lawyer.

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

'Your Honor, we've decided to go with the inanity defense...'

"At least he's honest about it..."

'Furthermore, had a handrail been fitted to the wall , my client would not be sitting here now.'

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

Office supplies - Notebooks, memo pads and rap sheets.

'I didn't know it was a one-trip salad bar!'

'Ignorance of the law is no excuse, dummy!'