Legal Humor Gifts

"Can we, just for a moment, your Honor, ignore the facts?"

"As a mitigating circumstance, may I say that my client's getaway car was a hybrid."

'And so 'Your Honor'... if that really is your name...'

"Tails it is. We find the defendant guilty."

'You're the watchdog. Do you honestly expect us to believe you didn't see anything?'

'Sometimes I wish Daddy wasn't a bankruptcy lawyer. No matter what book he reads to me, he's only interested in chapter 11.'

Quasi-legal Pad.

'How can it be tax evasion when they caught me.'

'It's from the Federal Trade Commission -- we have to put in a non-smoking section.'

'I wonder what the statue of limitations is on something like this?'

A judge plays with scales held by a statue of Lady Justice.

"There's a loophole in there somewhere, Haskins. Pretends it's truffle."

"Do you have a good attorney or a bad attorney?"

Man looking at the cartes de visite of the lawyers in chancery lane

'Your Honor, my client pleads not guilty by reason of being young, male, drunk, and stupid.'

...every client is considered innocent until he's broke.

'Your Honor, we've decided to go with the inanity defense...'

'Ah, love...sure, I remember my first time.I was deflowered by a law firm.'

'WE don't want to get sued by a ruptured burglar, now do we?'

'And remember, people, there are no frivolous lawsuits... Only frivolous attorneys!'

'I warned you counselor, no more tricks.'

"My client tried to get out the back door..."

'It's a thin line between love and contempt of court, your honor.'

To save the state the expense of a trial, I'll run off to Spain.

'I can't associate with known criminals? -- Well, there goes my class reunion.'

'I'm serving an extra sentence from a mock jury.'

I've had feedback from litigation...

"Isn't it enough that I know the truth?"

"You were caught stealing on 15 separate security cameras. How do you plead?"

"Yes, you could appeal the judge's decision on your libel case, but your master's attorney clearly proved that you had been a 'bad boy'..."

"My client is completely rehabilitated, Your Honor, in a grabass sort of way."

"Oh, very well - make that life with the possibility of parole."

"Judge Edelman is taking the chicken livers under advisement, Gertrude; I've decided in favor of the veal; and Judge Hefferman seems to be recusing himself."

"If it pleases the court, the prosecution would like to pet the defendant, too."

"Oh, no. They're three doors down. We're People for the Ethical Treatment of Attorneys."