Legal Humor Appreciation Gifts

"In a case like this, a lot depends on which jurisdiction applies. Were you, by any chance, in international waters when you bit him?"

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

I'm accused of kicking you in the womb, but your evidence is purely circumstantial. Lawyer baby.

Barristers

"Bailiff."

"Do you have a good attorney or a bad attorney?"

"We make crime pay."

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

"Not guilty by reason of genetic determinism, Your Honor."

A baby in court

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

Pre-nuptal Agreement.

Luke Skywalker- Matrimonial Law

"I don't like lawyer jokes. Lawyers don't think they're funny and other people don't think they're jokes."

Just our luck...old school crime translation classes!

"Recess is over, Your Honor."

"Does it hurt when my attorney does this?"

'You're the watchdog. Do you honestly expect us to believe you didn't see anything?'

"We're in luck, not a word about retrospectivity."

"The witness will confine his 'Knock knock' answers to 'Who's there?'"

A rare picture of Henry VIII's divorce lawyer.

'Furthermore, had a handrail been fitted to the wall , my client would not be sitting here now.'

"At least he's honest about it..."

'Your Honor, we've decided to go with the inanity defense...'

'I didn't know it was a one-trip salad bar!'

"He may be only a junior partner, but remember - his mother destroyed half of Tokyo."

'Ignorance of the law is no excuse, dummy!'

"I should have been a lawyer. I'm great at ambulance chasing!"

"Once again, I simply don't recall."

My client is claiming that you have discriminated against him as a species, that your refusal to let him sniff client's bottoms is against his canine rights and that your policies have acted against him reaching partnership.

Office supplies - Notebooks, memo pads and rap sheets.

Attorney At Law: Today's special - Bankruptcy and Divorce. Two for the price of one.