Legal Humor Appreciators Gifts

"I used to be a physician, but after being sued for malpractice I realized I was in the wrong profession!"

"The sooner I start smoking, the sooner I get my big settlement from the tobacco companies."

'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

Barristers

"Bailiff."

"Do you have a good attorney or a bad attorney?"

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

"We make crime pay."

"Not guilty by reason of genetic determinism, Your Honor."

"This is my client's videotaped deposition—please be considerate and rewind after viewing."

A baby in court

"I don't like lawyer jokes. Lawyers don't think they're funny and other people don't think they're jokes."

Pre-nuptal Agreement.

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

"Great news, Mr. Corrigan. That large, life-threatening lump we removed from your back turned out to be your lawyer."

"Recess is over, Your Honor."

'You're the watchdog. Do you honestly expect us to believe you didn't see anything?'

"We're in luck, not a word about retrospectivity."

"The witness will confine his 'Knock knock' answers to 'Who's there?'"

'Furthermore, had a handrail been fitted to the wall , my client would not be sitting here now.'

A rare picture of Henry VIII's divorce lawyer.

"At least he's honest about it..."

'Your Honor, we've decided to go with the inanity defense...'

"He may be only a junior partner, but remember - his mother destroyed half of Tokyo."

"I should have been a lawyer. I'm great at ambulance chasing!"

My client is claiming that you have discriminated against him as a species, that your refusal to let him sniff client's bottoms is against his canine rights and that your policies have acted against him reaching partnership.

"Once again, I simply don't recall."

'Ignorance of the law is no excuse, dummy!'

'I didn't know it was a one-trip salad bar!'

Office supplies - Notebooks, memo pads and rap sheets.

Attorney At Law: Today's special - Bankruptcy and Divorce. Two for the price of one.

Baby's first words.