Legal Humor Appreciators Gifts

"I used to be a physician, but after being sued for malpractice I realized I was in the wrong profession!"

"The sooner I start smoking, the sooner I get my big settlement from the tobacco companies."

Wow, that was some Perry Mason moment, your honor! Was it good for you, too?

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

Barristers

I'm accused of kicking you in the womb, but your evidence is purely circumstantial. Lawyer baby.

"Bailiff."

"Do you have a good attorney or a bad attorney?"

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

"We make crime pay."

"This is my client's videotaped deposition—please be considerate and rewind after viewing."

"Not guilty by reason of genetic determinism, Your Honor."

A baby in court

"Great news, Mr. Corrigan. That large, life-threatening lump we removed from your back turned out to be your lawyer."

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

Luke Skywalker- Matrimonial Law

"I don't like lawyer jokes. Lawyers don't think they're funny and other people don't think they're jokes."

Pre-nuptal Agreement.

"Recess is over, Your Honor."

'You're the watchdog. Do you honestly expect us to believe you didn't see anything?'

"We're in luck, not a word about retrospectivity."

"The witness will confine his 'Knock knock' answers to 'Who's there?'"

"At least he's honest about it..."

'Furthermore, had a handrail been fitted to the wall , my client would not be sitting here now.'

A rare picture of Henry VIII's divorce lawyer.

'Your Honor, we've decided to go with the inanity defense...'

'I didn't know it was a one-trip salad bar!'

"He may be only a junior partner, but remember - his mother destroyed half of Tokyo."

"Once again, I simply don't recall."

Office supplies - Notebooks, memo pads and rap sheets.

'Ignorance of the law is no excuse, dummy!'

My client is claiming that you have discriminated against him as a species, that your refusal to let him sniff client's bottoms is against his canine rights and that your policies have acted against him reaching partnership.