Legal Humor Appreciator Gifts

Devil on trial - "We find the defendant guilty of being in the details."

'Lawyers boarding a plane'

"Psst - wanna buy this building? It's going cheap."

"Since you're a lawyer we got you a birthday tort, get it?"

"An ASBO for sheep worry isn't fair - I was only following orders!"

"Did any of these guys sell you the acid?"

'The glass is half-full divorce lawyers, , , The glass is empty bankruptcy attorneys,'

Yomp & Jones...attorneys: 'Mr Jones wants me to inform you that he is representing your wife in her divorce.'

A rare picture of Henry VIII's divorce lawyer.

"I'd never have known the joys of a journal if my attorney hadn't insisted I keep one."

'At this point you're supposed to enter a plea -- you can't buy a vowel.'

"Are you aware under the new terrorism laws I can hold you without charge for up to 90 days?"

'Don't try to fly. Next...'

"All you need is love."

Your wife can't testify against you, Well 3 of mine just did.

Office supplies - Notebooks, memo pads and rap sheets.

"Talk about a lousy lawyer! He couldn't even convince the judge that I wasn't a flight risk."

'I hear prisoners get time added on for good behaviour.'

"Your genration is soft. When I was your age, the lawsuits we filed were much less frivolous."

'The reduction in legal aid has really got people fired up...'

'I'm planning to file a sex-discrimination complaint. They didn't let me run with the bulls in Pamplona.'

"It gets worse, she's demanding custody of the kidney she donated to you back in '84."

A tip jar in a courtroom

"Really, your Honor!"

I tripped just now over by your bathroom. If I took this to court, I could get six figures. But I'll settle out of court for a lifetime supply of free coffee and donuts. We just had a huge earthquake. If you fell, it was probably because of that. You guys failed to think ahead and put in bouncy floors. Get out.

Stop badgering the witness, Mr. Fusco. It's a long story, your honor, but I'm actually "wolverining" the witness.

I'll have a dismissal of the case against my client, and get yourself something nice. Maybe some whitewalls.

The evidence will show, your honor, that the defendant is a master manipulator.

The Little Attorney

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

"If you really want independence, you should get into contract law."

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

Barristers

"Bailiff."