Admirer Of Legal Humor Gifts

"I should have been a lawyer. I'm great at ambulance chasing!"

'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

Barristers

"Bailiff."

"Do you have a good attorney or a bad attorney?"

"We make crime pay."

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

"This is my client's videotaped deposition—please be considerate and rewind after viewing."

"Not guilty by reason of genetic determinism, Your Honor."

A baby in court

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

"Great news, Mr. Corrigan. That large, life-threatening lump we removed from your back turned out to be your lawyer."

Pre-nuptal Agreement.

"Recess is over, Your Honor."

"We're in luck, not a word about retrospectivity."

"The witness will confine his 'Knock knock' answers to 'Who's there?'"

'Furthermore, had a handrail been fitted to the wall , my client would not be sitting here now.'

"At least he's honest about it..."

A rare picture of Henry VIII's divorce lawyer.

'I didn't know it was a one-trip salad bar!'

Office supplies - Notebooks, memo pads and rap sheets.

"He may be only a junior partner, but remember - his mother destroyed half of Tokyo."

"Once again, I simply don't recall."

'Ignorance of the law is no excuse, dummy!'

Attorney At Law: Today's special - Bankruptcy and Divorce. Two for the price of one.

Judge about dancing lawyer: 'When you get to the second stanza of this song and dance, please approach the bench.'

Viking in the dock: His barrister says: 'Your honour, my client was simply expanding his business interests. We object to the use of the word 'pillaging'.'

'Overruled, you may continue.'

"I'd never have known the joys of a journal if my attorney hadn't insisted I keep one."

'Judge Mental.'

"Objections overruled...I also think the defendent looks extremly dodgy"

"Well the good news is that we came top in at least one category of the latest diversity tables..."

"I thought I'd try a Marie Antoinette for a change."