Legal Humor Pillows

"Can we, just for a moment, your Honor, ignore the facts?"

"As a mitigating circumstance, may I say that my client's getaway car was a hybrid."

"Tails it is. We find the defendant guilty."

'And so 'Your Honor'... if that really is your name...'

'Sometimes I wish Daddy wasn't a bankruptcy lawyer. No matter what book he reads to me, he's only interested in chapter 11.'

'You're the watchdog. Do you honestly expect us to believe you didn't see anything?'

Quasi-legal Pad.

'How can it be tax evasion when they caught me.'

'I wonder what the statue of limitations is on something like this?'

'It's from the Federal Trade Commission -- we have to put in a non-smoking section.'

"Isn't it enough that I know the truth?"

"Attacking mail carriers, destroying gardens, fouling carpets, annoying neighbors. Impressive résumé, I must say."

...every client is considered innocent until he's broke.

'It's a thin line between love and contempt of court, your honor.'

'Your Honor, my client pleads not guilty by reason of being young, male, drunk, and stupid.'

'Ah, love...sure, I remember my first time.I was deflowered by a law firm.'

Man looking at the cartes de visite of the lawyers in chancery lane

'Your Honor, we've decided to go with the inanity defense...'

'I can't associate with known criminals? -- Well, there goes my class reunion.'

'I warned you counselor, no more tricks.'

'And remember, people, there are no frivolous lawsuits... Only frivolous attorneys!'

A judge plays with scales held by a statue of Lady Justice.

I've had feedback from litigation...

'I'm serving an extra sentence from a mock jury.'

'WE don't want to get sued by a ruptured burglar, now do we?'

"There's a loophole in there somewhere, Haskins. Pretends it's truffle."

"Do you have a good attorney or a bad attorney?"

"You were caught stealing on 15 separate security cameras. How do you plead?"

"My client tried to get out the back door..."

To save the state the expense of a trial, I'll run off to Spain.

Motion to forget. Forget what

Judge not, lest ye be judged.

Lying in court is a very serious matter. Mr. Fusco. I can assure you that I take it very seriously, your honor. If I didn

Your honor, my client is a very proud man. He's much too proud to confess to murder, and he's much too proud to beg for mercy. However, he's willing to offer the court a non-denial and a rude hand gesture. Where can we go with this?

"We find the defendant 'guilty', …. not that there's anything wrong with that."