Legal Comedy Aficionado Gifts

'Would you mind blowing into this bag Sir?'

'He tripped over a pavement sign that said 'Have you had an accident that wasn't your fault?' So he called the number and sued them'

"Bailiff."

"Do you have a good attorney or a bad attorney?"

"We make crime pay."

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

"Not guilty by reason of genetic determinism, Your Honor."

"This is my client's videotaped deposition—please be considerate and rewind after viewing."

A baby in court

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

Just our luck...old school crime translation classes!

Pre-nuptal Agreement.

"Great news, Mr. Corrigan. That large, life-threatening lump we removed from your back turned out to be your lawyer."

"Does it hurt when my attorney does this?"

"The witness will confine his 'Knock knock' answers to 'Who's there?'"

"At least he's honest about it..."

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

"I should have been a lawyer. I'm great at ambulance chasing!"

"He may be only a junior partner, but remember - his mother destroyed half of Tokyo."

"Once again, I simply don't recall."

Attorney At Law: Today's special - Bankruptcy and Divorce. Two for the price of one.

Judge about dancing lawyer: 'When you get to the second stanza of this song and dance, please approach the bench.'

'Let's agree to disagree.'

'Overruled, you may continue.'

"I'll convert. What does the attorney general recommend?"

'Judge Mental.'

'I've been charged with evading jury duty.'

"Your Honor, I wish to introduce as Exhibit A this bullet with the victim's name on it."

'Come to order' 'I'll have a burger, hold the mayo, and a large cola.'

Hermes, Process Server Of The Gods

"From here on out it's term and conditions."

"I'm thinking of suing your cafe. I just got a $2,000 dental bill. You should be paying for it." "I'm in here every day and I always order your sugary scones and your sugar-filled lattes." "That's why I had twelve cavities!" "I'll settle out of court for a scone and a latte." "No deal."

"My wife, my best friend and our prenup!"

Frank abuses the Power of Attorney.

Mega Pharmaceuticals Legal Dept. What if we claim a generic knockoff of our miracle drug is blasphemous?