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'Would you mind blowing into this bag Sir?'

'He tripped over a pavement sign that said 'Have you had an accident that wasn't your fault?' So he called the number and sued them'

"Bailiff."

"Do you have a good attorney or a bad attorney?"

"We make crime pay."

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

"This is my client's videotaped deposition—please be considerate and rewind after viewing."

"Not guilty by reason of genetic determinism, Your Honor."

A baby in court

"Great news, Mr. Corrigan. That large, life-threatening lump we removed from your back turned out to be your lawyer."

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

Pre-nuptal Agreement.

Just our luck...old school crime translation classes!

"Does it hurt when my attorney does this?"

"The witness will confine his 'Knock knock' answers to 'Who's there?'"

"At least he's honest about it..."

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

"I should have been a lawyer. I'm great at ambulance chasing!"

"He may be only a junior partner, but remember - his mother destroyed half of Tokyo."

"Once again, I simply don't recall."

Attorney At Law: Today's special - Bankruptcy and Divorce. Two for the price of one.

Judge about dancing lawyer: 'When you get to the second stanza of this song and dance, please approach the bench.'

'Overruled, you may continue.'

"I'll convert. What does the attorney general recommend?"

'Judge Mental.'

"From here on out it's term and conditions."

"Your Honor, I wish to introduce as Exhibit A this bullet with the victim's name on it."

'I've been charged with evading jury duty.'

John McWit, Divorce Lawyer & Celibate,

"I thought I'd try a Marie Antoinette for a change."

"Well the good news is that we came top in at least one category of the latest diversity tables..."

'Come to order' 'I'll have a burger, hold the mayo, and a large cola.'

"Wait a minute! This is a copy of 'TV Guide.' "

"My wife, my best friend and our prenup!"

"I'm thinking of suing your cafe. I just got a $2,000 dental bill. You should be paying for it." "I'm in here every day and I always order your sugary scones and your sugar-filled lattes." "That's why I had twelve cavities!" "I'll settle out of court for a scone and a latte." "No deal."