Lover Of Legal Comedy Gifts

"I took aim, pulled the trigger, and then, suddenly, shots rang out."

'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

Barristers

"Bailiff."

"Do you have a good attorney or a bad attorney?"

"We make crime pay."

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

"Not guilty by reason of genetic determinism, Your Honor."

"This is my client's videotaped deposition—please be considerate and rewind after viewing."

A baby in court

"Great news, Mr. Corrigan. That large, life-threatening lump we removed from your back turned out to be your lawyer."

Pre-nuptal Agreement.

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

"Recess is over, Your Honor."

"We're in luck, not a word about retrospectivity."

"The witness will confine his 'Knock knock' answers to 'Who's there?'"

'Furthermore, had a handrail been fitted to the wall , my client would not be sitting here now.'

"At least he's honest about it..."

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

"I should have been a lawyer. I'm great at ambulance chasing!"

'I didn't know it was a one-trip salad bar!'

'Ignorance of the law is no excuse, dummy!'

"Once again, I simply don't recall."

Attorney At Law: Today's special - Bankruptcy and Divorce. Two for the price of one.

Baby's first words.

Judge about dancing lawyer: 'When you get to the second stanza of this song and dance, please approach the bench.'

Viking in the dock: His barrister says: 'Your honour, my client was simply expanding his business interests. We object to the use of the word 'pillaging'.'

'Overruled, you may continue.'

"Objections overruled...I also think the defendent looks extremly dodgy"

'I've been charged with evading jury duty.'

'Come to order' 'I'll have a burger, hold the mayo, and a large cola.'

"Wait a minute! This is a copy of 'TV Guide.' "

"Well the good news is that we came top in at least one category of the latest diversity tables..."