Lovers Of Legal Comedy Gifts

Clairvoyant - I want to divorce my husband. He's having an affair next week.

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

Barristers

I'm accused of kicking you in the womb, but your evidence is purely circumstantial. Lawyer baby.

"Do you have a good attorney or a bad attorney?"

"This is my client's videotaped deposition—please be considerate and rewind after viewing."

"Great news, Mr. Corrigan. That large, life-threatening lump we removed from your back turned out to be your lawyer."

"Recess is over, Your Honor."

"We're in luck, not a word about retrospectivity."

'Furthermore, had a handrail been fitted to the wall , my client would not be sitting here now.'

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

'I didn't know it was a one-trip salad bar!'

'Ignorance of the law is no excuse, dummy!'

Baby's first words.

Viking in the dock: His barrister says: 'Your honour, my client was simply expanding his business interests. We object to the use of the word 'pillaging'.'

'Overruled, you may continue.'

"Objections overruled...I also think the defendent looks extremly dodgy"

'Judge Mental.'

"I thought I'd try a Marie Antoinette for a change."

"I get that quite a bit. Actually, I'm a lawyer."

"My client will not answer that question as it presupposes his sanity."

Night of the living will

"It's clear from the replay that it was a leading question."

"You call this a brief. It's thirty pages long."

'I understand Benson is the principle partner here.'

'Do you think I would even be here if my client were guilty?'

'Your Honor, my client is incontinent to stand trail...'

'Could you recommend a fruit that works for lawyers?'

'Todd here syas our plank is to narrow and may lead to lawsuits.'

'This will help you keep track of who's who.'

Law office sign: "Defending the citizen's entitlement to folly since 1935"

'This is a very important trial, Ferguson -- you'd better put pants on.'

"No it's not. That's his defense lawyer."