Lovers Of Legal Comedy Pillows

Clairvoyant - I want to divorce my husband. He's having an affair next week.

'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

Barristers

"Do you have a good attorney or a bad attorney?"

"This is my client's videotaped deposition—please be considerate and rewind after viewing."

"Great news, Mr. Corrigan. That large, life-threatening lump we removed from your back turned out to be your lawyer."

"Recess is over, Your Honor."

"We're in luck, not a word about retrospectivity."

'Furthermore, had a handrail been fitted to the wall , my client would not be sitting here now.'

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

'Ignorance of the law is no excuse, dummy!'

'I didn't know it was a one-trip salad bar!'

Baby's first words.

Viking in the dock: His barrister says: 'Your honour, my client was simply expanding his business interests. We object to the use of the word 'pillaging'.'

'Overruled, you may continue.'

'Judge Mental.'

"Objections overruled...I also think the defendent looks extremly dodgy"

"I get that quite a bit. Actually, I'm a lawyer."

"My client will not answer that question as it presupposes his sanity."

"I thought I'd try a Marie Antoinette for a change."

Night of the living will

"It's clear from the replay that it was a leading question."

"You call this a brief. It's thirty pages long."

'I understand Benson is the principle partner here.'

'Do you think I would even be here if my client were guilty?'

'Could you recommend a fruit that works for lawyers?'

'Your Honor, my client is incontinent to stand trail...'

'Todd here syas our plank is to narrow and may lead to lawsuits.'

Law office sign: "Defending the citizen's entitlement to folly since 1935"

"No it's not. That's his defense lawyer."

'This is a very important trial, Ferguson -- you'd better put pants on.'

'This will help you keep track of who's who.'

"The defendant is a danger to society and poses a flight risk."