Legal Comedian Pillows

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one "bad dog" is sufficient."

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

Gary turns 40.

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

"Oh dear, it's just as we suspected.. they do come from another planet."

Patent Attorney (invisible man)

"Bailiff."

"Do you have a good attorney or a bad attorney?"

"We make crime pay."

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

"You'll note that the card isn't signed so my declaration of undying love isn't legally binding!"

"I must insist on my lawyer present."

"Have you, or any of your acquaintances, ever been described as 'frolicsome'?"

"Not guilty by reason of genetic determinism, Your Honor."

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

A baby in court

The Scones-Monkey Trial. I, Judge Sadie, am prepared to rule. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Intelligent design versus evolution. Borrrinnng. That is my legal finding. Appeal. Will all bipeds please rise.

Pre-nuptal Agreement.

Luke Skywalker- Matrimonial Law

"I don't like lawyer jokes. Lawyers don't think they're funny and other people don't think they're jokes."

"Look, I tried to tell everyone Timmy was in the well but no, what do I know, I'm just a dog!"

Loopholes

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

"Before the defense rests, my client would like to read you a little sonnet he composed about his love for the jury."

'You're the watchdog. Do you honestly expect us to believe you didn't see anything?'

"Even if I did believe that he was communicating through you. I'm afraid it's too late to change the will now."

"The witness will confine his 'Knock knock' answers to 'Who's there?'"

'Your Honor, we've decided to go with the inanity defense...'

"At least he's honest about it..."