Litigation Humorist Pillows

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

Patent Attorney (invisible man)

"Bailiff."

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

"You'll note that the card isn't signed so my declaration of undying love isn't legally binding!"

"Have you, or any of your acquaintances, ever been described as 'frolicsome'?"

"We make crime pay."

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

"I must insist on my lawyer present."

"Not guilty by reason of genetic determinism, Your Honor."

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

A baby in court

Pre-nuptal Agreement.

'He's not called the 'Hanging About Judge' for nothing.'

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

"Look, I tried to tell everyone Timmy was in the well but no, what do I know, I'm just a dog!"

Loopholes

"Even if I did believe that he was communicating through you. I'm afraid it's too late to change the will now."

"The witness will confine his 'Knock knock' answers to 'Who's there?'"

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

"At least he's honest about it..."

'I got a suspended sentence.'

'Your Honor, we've decided to go with the inanity defense...'

"Once again, I simply don't recall."

'We the jury find the defendant very, very, very, guilty.'

"Are you trying to show contempt for this court."

"I'm sorry, Master, but all my offers to grant your wishes are invalid under the laws of your state."