Medical Joker Gifts

'I believe that laughter is the best medicine. Now, if you'll bend over, Mr. Happy will perform your prostate exam.'

'I'd like a second opinion.'

"Damn it, nurse! I didn't ask for a twenty. I asked for a ten and two fives."

'Oh, wow. High blood pressure, too.'

What's the benchmark for waiting times in hospital?

Frying Doctor - 'Chip pan accident? I'm on my way...'

"Hey. When we he wakes up, how 'bout I talk but you make the faces."

"I've never felt better. What's that a symptom of?"

"Say, does anyone here know how to tie a sailor's knot?"

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

Man is stopped from entering doctor's surgery by a receptionist dressed as a bouncer.

Intelligent people laugh too!

"An un-observed universe ceases to exist. Yeah right!"

'...And here we have the 'Laugher Curve.''

"That's an awfully large small intestine and an awfully small large intestine."

Virtual Doctor

Dog forced to return bone

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

"As soon as your dentist gets here, we'll begin."

'I reckon we have grounds for a libel action, don't you?.'

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

'It's your four basic food groups.'

Cardiologist Henry Weil like to add some levity before surgery by hiding a whoopee cushion on the operating table.

There aren't any serious side effects — just an occasional Elvis sighting.

'Anaesthetic ok?' - 'Yes, ten double scotches from the pub up the road.'

Hypochondria Hospital

'Don't worry about your heart - it will last you till the end of your days. . .!'

'You don't have a heart murmur, but your liver is muttering.'

'Dr. Federson has performed this procedure so many times, he could do it blindfolded with one hand tied behind his back. Show him, doctor.'

"So a horse has 6 legs, forelegs at the front and 2 at the back?"

"Well, if the test is multiple choice I choose not to take it."

'Where does it hurt?'

History. The worst past is my dad says they're still making history!

Doctor to patient: 'I won't be asking about your three marriages. This isn't an invasive procedure.'

Party Schools...