Hospital Staff Joker Gifts

'The readings look good, but just in case, when was the last time the system was checked for bugs?'

'You'll be aware during the entire procedure because our anesthetic has been recalled by the F.D.A.'

"The good news is that your appendectomy op was a complete success"

'Of course I'm nervous.. you have your attorney with you.'

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

"Sorry, that's not my table."

'Nurse, I said x-ray, not microwave.'

'The doctors all tell me that you have great medical insurance. They think your coverage might last through most of the tests that they have scheduled.'

"Are you Matthew Jones with a double 'T'?"

'It's your four basic food groups.'

"I give up. Where's the patient?'

'Push, dear! The child will be late for pre-school!'

"Your IQ came back negative."

'Anaesthetic ok?' - 'Yes, ten double scotches from the pub up the road.'

'You don't have a heart murmur, but your liver is muttering.'

"I think you may have your gown on back to front."

"Just give me the truth, Doc...I can tell when you're trying to humor me."

Disorderlies

Doctor about spinning plates on patient: 'I'm concerned about his platelets.'

'It's always about you isn't it, George? Wouldn't you like to hear about the terrible day I've had for a change?'

'I've had so many transplants, I feel like a garden nursery.'

"Rolling pizza cutter."

"Mr. Wilson? I'm Dr. Bradshaw. Please come in."

"Fortunately, we have an excellent selection!"

"Everyone loved working with Doctor Patel... Beer!"

Doctor and nurse having a chat.

Doctor, I can't feel my legs! I know you can't, I had to amputate your arms.

'So did you want the ectomy, or just the otomy?'

"So laughter isn't the best medicine..."

'BOy! Talk about organ rejection!'

'Lucky for you there was a safety net.'

'These are your parking charges.'

"Got it!"

'He still doesn't know how serious an amputation he's had, nurse, so try not to act too shocked.'

Plastic Surgery