Hospital Staff Joker Pillows

'The readings look good, but just in case, when was the last time the system was checked for bugs?'

'You'll be aware during the entire procedure because our anesthetic has been recalled by the F.D.A.'

"The good news is that your appendectomy op was a complete success"

'Of course I'm nervous.. you have your attorney with you.'

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

"Sorry, that's not my table."

'The doctors all tell me that you have great medical insurance. They think your coverage might last through most of the tests that they have scheduled.'

'Nurse, I said x-ray, not microwave.'

"Are you Matthew Jones with a double 'T'?"

'It's your four basic food groups.'

'Everything is going to be fine, Mrs.Witzer...'

"I give up. Where's the patient?'

"Your IQ came back negative."

'Push, dear! The child will be late for pre-school!'

'You don't have a heart murmur, but your liver is muttering.'

'Anaesthetic ok?' - 'Yes, ten double scotches from the pub up the road.'

"I think you may have your gown on back to front."

Doctor about spinning plates on patient: 'I'm concerned about his platelets.'

Disorderlies

"Just give me the truth, Doc...I can tell when you're trying to humor me."

"Mr. Wilson? I'm Dr. Bradshaw. Please come in."

"Everyone loved working with Doctor Patel... Beer!"

'I've had so many transplants, I feel like a garden nursery.'

"Fortunately, we have an excellent selection!"

'It's always about you isn't it, George? Wouldn't you like to hear about the terrible day I've had for a change?'

"Rolling pizza cutter."

Doctor and nurse having a chat.

Doctor, I can't feel my legs! I know you can't, I had to amputate your arms.

'So did you want the ectomy, or just the otomy?'

"So laughter isn't the best medicine..."

'BOy! Talk about organ rejection!'

"5 second rule!"

'Lucky for you there was a safety net.'

'These are your parking charges.'

'Dr. Frisinger thinks he may have left a clamp in you.'