Patient Care Joker Pillows

'I don't need informed consent to take your temperature.'

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

"Sorry, that's not my table."

"Damn it, nurse! I didn't ask for a twenty. I asked for a ten and two fives."

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'

"He says that when he had a vegetable salad as an appetizer, he can now have burgers, pizza and Coke as a reward."

'It's your four basic food groups.'

'The doctor told me to introduce more greens into my diet.'

'You don't have a heart murmur, but your liver is muttering.'

'Anaesthetic ok?' - 'Yes, ten double scotches from the pub up the road.'

"I think you may have your gown on back to front."

"Rolling pizza cutter."

"The good news is that your appendectomy op was a complete success"

Reflex Testing -"...and you're sure you can't feel it"

Psychobabble.

Jim's Smart Kettle

Roger couldn't understand why his diet wasn't working.

'Lucky for you there was a safety net.'

'You'll be aware during the entire procedure because our anesthetic has been recalled by the F.D.A.'

"I brought chips and cookies to snack on and baby carrots to sit unopened on the blanket."

"Hang on a second! This nutcase is allowed on the furniture, but I'm not?!"

"You can't check my pulse while I'm checking your pulse!"

"I can't work on this one. It's too ticklish."

"Got it!"

"Say, does anyone here know how to tie a sailor's knot?"

Football crazy

"I don't need roughage that badly!"

"Has anyone fed the goldfish?"

"Look! Now they offer healthy choices we can glance at before ordering our usual junk."

"So far, decliners outnumber advancers nine to seven."

'Hope that Medicare will kick in to help with my developing headache pain!'