Patient Care Joker Gifts

'I don't need informed consent to take your temperature.'

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

"Sorry, that's not my table."

"Damn it, nurse! I didn't ask for a twenty. I asked for a ten and two fives."

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'

"He says that when he had a vegetable salad as an appetizer, he can now have burgers, pizza and Coke as a reward."

'It's your four basic food groups.'

'The doctor told me to introduce more greens into my diet.'

'Anaesthetic ok?' - 'Yes, ten double scotches from the pub up the road.'

'You don't have a heart murmur, but your liver is muttering.'

"I think you may have your gown on back to front."

"Rolling pizza cutter."

"The good news is that your appendectomy op was a complete success"

Reflex Testing -"...and you're sure you can't feel it"

Psychobabble.

"An apple? Doesn't he have any pizza?"

Roger couldn't understand why his diet wasn't working.

Jim's Smart Kettle

"5 second rule!"

'Lucky for you there was a safety net.'

'You'll be aware during the entire procedure because our anesthetic has been recalled by the F.D.A.'

"I brought chips and cookies to snack on and baby carrots to sit unopened on the blanket."

"Hang on a second! This nutcase is allowed on the furniture, but I'm not?!"

"I can't work on this one. It's too ticklish."

"Got it!"

"Any chance that was you who just screamed in excruciating pain?"

"Say, does anyone here know how to tie a sailor's knot?"

"You can't check my pulse while I'm checking your pulse!"

Football crazy

"I don't need roughage that badly!"

"Has anyone fed the goldfish?"

"Look! Now they offer healthy choices we can glance at before ordering our usual junk."

"So far, decliners outnumber advancers nine to seven."