Health Journey Joker Gifts

Roger couldn't understand why his diet wasn't working.

'Almost everything I have hurts and what doesn't hurt doesn't work!'

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'

"Would you like me to give it to you straight or sugar-coated?"

"He says that when he had a vegetable salad as an appetizer, he can now have burgers, pizza and Coke as a reward."

"I haven't lost any weight after two weeks of dieting, but my hair's getting thinner."

"Grandmother, what big diastolic numbers you have."

Dieting Motivation.

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

'It's your four basic food groups.'

'The doctor told me to introduce more greens into my diet.'

'You don't have a heart murmur, but your liver is muttering.'

'It's not my fault that I've developed habits that cannot be sustained.'

"You're just a shell of your former self. You need to improve your diet."

"I’d like to return my Fitbit—It won’t stop calling me a lazy piece of sh*t."

'Anaesthetic ok?' - 'Yes, ten double scotches from the pub up the road.'

Women holding onto birds so that her weight seems lower

Attack of the 'health' foods

"We're looking for a 5000 step walk."

Scales

Obese man using a exercise machine. His false teeth are flying out.

"If you follow my orders and break those bad habits, you'll be in as good a shape as you've never been."

'I've added a few minutes to that hour glass figure I had in school.'

"Rolling pizza cutter."

A woman stares at a birthday cake that has "4,000,000 calories" written on top of it in icing.

'I see you've managed to cut your coffee consumption in half.'

'I'll have the diet special followed by a triple helping of chocolate sponge cake.'

'What we have here is a hostage situation - There's a thin person inside you screaming to get out.'

"You can eat all the cake you want and still get into heaven."

'I want you to slow down, and that includes fast food.'

"He downloaded one of those apps that helps you quit smoking."