Digestive Health Joker Gifts

The Curried Prune Fast Food Restaurant.

''ere - I thought you said your pans were non-stick!'

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

"He says that when he had a vegetable salad as an appetizer, he can now have burgers, pizza and Coke as a reward."

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

'It's your four basic food groups.'

'The doctor told me to introduce more greens into my diet.'

'Anaesthetic ok?' - 'Yes, ten double scotches from the pub up the road.'

'You don't have a heart murmur, but your liver is muttering.'

The nutritional devils and angels on your shoulder.

"Rolling pizza cutter."

'If you're into preparing healthy meals then I recommend the apricot brandy. It contains the antioxidant beta carotene.'

'Yes, chocolate moose.'

"The chef will accommodate gluten-free requests, but only with a note from your doctor."

"You're right. The sunscreen does taste like ranch dressing."

'I'll have the diet special followed by a triple helping of chocolate sponge cake.'

"Pecan pie with rum-raisin ice cream is the best revenge."

Jim's Smart Kettle

Chocolate Munchies. Only 100 calories...' awesome!' - '' - 'Runchy! Rurrgh!!' - '' - 'Oh, hold on. 100 calories per Munchie' - '' -

Roger couldn't understand why his diet wasn't working.

'Yes, I'd like the chef pan-fried, marinated in his disgusting sauce and charcoal grilled.'

"You can eat all the cake you want and still get into heaven."

"Whoever pulls it out becomes King of Britain, but Phil licked the handle, so..."

'Lucky for you there was a safety net.'

"I brought chips and cookies to snack on and baby carrots to sit unopened on the blanket."

'Well my lightest ever was 7lbs 4oz. . .'

"Okay, that's one pizza with all our toppings and one without."

"What is this one - 'Two egg surprise'?"