Digestive Health Joker Gifts

The Curried Prune Fast Food Restaurant.

''ere - I thought you said your pans were non-stick!'

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'

"He says that when he had a vegetable salad as an appetizer, he can now have burgers, pizza and Coke as a reward."

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

'It's your four basic food groups.'

'The doctor told me to introduce more greens into my diet.'

'Anaesthetic ok?' - 'Yes, ten double scotches from the pub up the road.'

'You don't have a heart murmur, but your liver is muttering.'

The nutritional devils and angels on your shoulder.

"Rolling pizza cutter."

'Yes, chocolate moose.'

'If you're into preparing healthy meals then I recommend the apricot brandy. It contains the antioxidant beta carotene.'

"You're right. The sunscreen does taste like ranch dressing."

"The chef will accommodate gluten-free requests, but only with a note from your doctor."

'I'll have the diet special followed by a triple helping of chocolate sponge cake.'

"Pecan pie with rum-raisin ice cream is the best revenge."

"An apple? Doesn't he have any pizza?"

"Just keep your eyes closed - it'll only upset you."

"You can eat all the cake you want and still get into heaven."

Roger couldn't understand why his diet wasn't working.

'Yes, I'd like the chef pan-fried, marinated in his disgusting sauce and charcoal grilled.'

Jim's Smart Kettle

Chocolate Munchies. Only 100 calories...' awesome!' - '' - 'Runchy! Rurrgh!!' - '' - 'Oh, hold on. 100 calories per Munchie' - '' -

"Whoever pulls it out becomes King of Britain, but Phil licked the handle, so..."

"5 second rule!"

'Lucky for you there was a safety net.'

"I brought chips and cookies to snack on and baby carrots to sit unopened on the blanket."

'Well my lightest ever was 7lbs 4oz. . .'

"Okay, that's one pizza with all our toppings and one without."

"You can't check my pulse while I'm checking your pulse!"