Atomic Jester Gifts

If this plutonium should start to roam,box it's ears and sent it home.

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

Professor Wiles grows insufferable.

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

"Nobody's perfect, but we're working on it."

Hardware and software

"I'm the Class Clown fish."

'To make up for the decline in snail mail deliveries, I've taken to biting my master every time he gets an e-mail.'

'Phone for help? Are you mad? Have you any idea how much it costs to use a mobile abroad?'

"But seriously do you think my eclectic knowledge of the history of the development of the claw hammer makes me more of a sex magnet?"

'If you don't behave we'll unfreeze your stem cells!'

"I'm going to shoot some hoops with members of the Flat Earth Society."

"Hi, I'm the new IT-security-expert! Where is your server room? I want to see if I can overcome your firewall!"

Man Tries Use Telescope In Observatory As Cannon.

'Keep it under you hat, but I want you to enrich some uranium.'

"Actually, they all look alike to me."

"I only have two apps on my phone. One makes me spend all my money and the other gives me embezzling tips."

'I finnaly located what was causing that hissing sound on the tractor.'

'Houston, you're not going to believe this...'

"The Real Reason For Global Warming."

'Hold on to this ticket. Immediately after armageddon, there'll be a drawing for door prizes!'

Mama Z'Belle...astrologer...your fortune based on the science of astronomy: 'Oh, oh it looks like your chart has shifted red...'

We interrupt today's "The Price is Right" episode to bring you breaking news … Weeks ago, the Hubble telescope spotted a rogue planet the size of Venus plummeting through the solar system on a collision course with earth. It turns out it was actually just a prank involving two very bored ISS astronauts and a grapefruit. Breaking News!!!!! Maybe we should send them to Mars after all. One of them seems to have scrawled "Around and around and around and around" all over his space suit, in crayon.

'Maybe the Universe isn't expanding -- maybe it's just you.'

The Ekert Saga: '...Oh...did I fahget to mention it happened behfah, physicists call it the big bang..'

"Let's just say that you're not trending on any site on the internet!"

"How would I know what 'the meaning of life' is...? I was hoping you were mountain rescue!"

Texting Rodeo Clown

"Wow, I've never met an astronomer before."

"Last dunk and then we need to do work."

Mr. Science Times

'Deploy the Candarm and ready the Canafinger.'

'Hey you earthling! Today is the last day of your life!' - Hello Houston... Something is telling me this is the last day of my life!

Cow Printer

A sink with one faucet is labeled 'H2' and the other labeled '0'.