Meeting Jester Gifts

"I don't like these sales figures. Prepare them in another color and font and resubmit them."

"Just how long has there been a maraschino cherry at the top of the organizational chart?"

'I want a win-win situation where both wins are ours.'

'All those in favour of my new proposal say aye. Those against, also say aye.'

'I need thoughtful, honest feedback that agrees with my proposal.'

'Company rules, 1.The boss is always right. 2. If the boss is wrong, refer to rule 1.'

"We're bears you fool, we don't need agendas!"

"We need to replace our mission statement with an excuse."

'It has been brought to my attention that some of us are not working at maximum efficiency.'

'Kimble, I'm going to give you a chance at purchasing - nip over to the cafe and get me a cheese and pickle sandwich.'

"Very good Carter, but when you said you wanted to show us your Powerpoint we assumed you meant presentation!"

'Gentlemen,this report is simply not erotic enough for me to bother reading it.'

"We have a clear work/life policy. . . If you have a life, you get more work."

"Yes, leave your opinions at the door, but not in the form of obscene graffiti!"

"When you hear me begin talking about our lousy sales figures, you guys create a distraction."

"Jane is sales, Fred is accounting, and Johnny's song and dance."

"Thank you, Phillips, but I think this graph makes my point without the aid of a slide whistle."

When Managers have a Four Seasons pizza.

"To keep them awake during my meetings, I now require them to drink 20 cups of coffee. I must be really boring, because they're still struggling to stay awake."

"Ahem...did someone just laugh?"

'Any questions?'

'I let Ed sleep through these meetings. His snoring keeps the others awake.'

"I've called this meeting so we can figure out how to have fewer meetings."

"I hate it. Ask a question about the annual report and they send in the Corporate Clown."

Is there a spin doctor in the house?

'Ahhhh. Did I just feel the tension in here break, or was it the elastic on my underwear?'

'Then Mr. Belmond's double-dog-dare was seconded with Mr. Simms triple-dog-dare...'

"As chairman of the board, I'd like to first request chairs."

That brings up a good point. None of us here knows what we're doing

"Before we start the meeting, do we have any apologies?"

'When you are done balancing in your chair we will continue the meeting.'

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"Jackie, why does your relationship status read ‘capitulated to’ me?!"

"And as soon as he's on the mend,we'll get the physiotherapist in here with a ball of twine."

"We're following Carrot Top."