Job Interview Jester Gifts

'Your resume states that you've worked with 2 presidents, won the Nobel Prize and climbed Mt. Everest. That's all fine and dandy, but how are you at telemarketing?'

'The fact that you like Tang really doesn't qualify you to be an astronaut.'

'This is the worst CV I've ever seen!'

"Tell me more about your 'extensive experience in acquisitions'."

'Yeah, I'm here for the VP of Human Resources job. Why do I have to know anatomy?'

'Your resume is certainly impressive, Mr. Simmons, but do you have any on the job experience?'

'Your advert didn't say anything about intelligence... it said you wanted a manager!'

'Sorry, you have the wrong background for the job.'

"Oh yeah, I'm a very responsible employee. At my last job I was responsible for dozens of big mistakes."

"Your resume says SOB, tell me more about that."

"Why, you plagiarized this from our best-selling book 'How to write a good resume'!"

'The job was as good as mine. But when they asked where I saw myself in five years, I didn't know.'

I think we might be able to use you in our advertising department.

'Yes, I know -- but having a terrible resume is a sort of a handicap, isn't it?'

'So do I get the job or not?'

"This is a very impressive manifesto."

Let's see... Graduated from Notre Dame... Majored in bell ringing... Minored in stair climbing... Busted your hump for 3 years at the Frank & Stein facility conducting a brain research - Looks like you accidentally crossed out the 'R-E'. Heh.

"I'm afraid that a career in Neurophysiology requires more than a degree from the 'University of Hard Knocks!'"

'The LACK of a resume indicates that I don't need one.'

'I can assure you, sir, your are one applicant I will be remembering at selection time.'

Personnel Screening. Do you have any objection to taking a lie detector test? Is my answer part of the test?

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

"Where would you see yourself in five years' time?"

'I'm afraid you don't have the leadership qualities we're seeking.'

"So what makes you think you're qualified for this job?"

"I see by your resume this would be your first time in a symbiotic relationship."

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

'You'll get five paid sick days, plus an additional two when you're shedding your skin.'

"This your resumé?" "Yes, it's a list of things I hope you never ask me to do."

'I believe in a 'carrot and stick' approach to motivation. The carrot is not to use the stick.'

"Your credentials are impressive, Carter but... quite frankly, Mr. Biggles doesn't seem to like you."