Job Searching Jester Gifts

"Your current employer wrote us a letter of recommendation. The recommendation is that we take you off their hands."

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

"And where have you previously moused?"

Born In Captivity.

'I'm afraid you don't have the leadership qualities we're seeking.'

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

'You'll get five paid sick days, plus an additional two when you're shedding your skin.'

'Do you do self-deprecating humour?'

"This your resumé?" "Yes, it's a list of things I hope you never ask me to do."

'Mr. Coleman is on vacation. Would you care to hold?'

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

'You obviously took my suggestion to reduce stress to the extreme.'

"So, Mr Canary, I see you have experience as a mine safety specialist..."

'Clear out your desk, Randy. ...NEXT!'

"First the good news - one of us hasn't been made redundant."

"I wanted a Meticulous Monday or a Thorough Thursday report. This reads more like a Frivolous Friday."

'Looks like no Christmas bonus this year.'

Scapegoat of the Year

"This is bad work, Edwards! Bad! Bad! Bad! Bad!"

Impressive qualifications, but seeing as how I'm trying to fill the position I just fired you from...

'You're resigning? What great timing! I was going to lay you off friday!'

Bank P45's - 'Cashier number 5 please.'

When Pro Athletes Enter The Workforce.

"The job is yours. You're a jerk, we're all jerks, I think it'll be a great fit!"

Opp'y of a Lifetime

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

"Less hair doesn't mean less work!"

'Your advert didn't say anything about intelligence... it said you wanted a manager!'

"If I'd known you were not looking for experience I wouldn't have lied on my CV."

"I've worked as a wet-nurse for ten years, but I'm after something new now..."

"I know you used to be our paperboy. That's why when you leave, you'll find your resume on the roof."

'We don't have an opening at the moment, but if you'll wait one minute...'