Job Seeker Jester Gifts

"Social Security forced you to come for this interview didn't they!"

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

"And where have you previously moused?"

Born In Captivity.

'I'm afraid you don't have the leadership qualities we're seeking.'

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

'You'll get five paid sick days, plus an additional two when you're shedding your skin.'

"This your resumé?" "Yes, it's a list of things I hope you never ask me to do."

'Do you do self-deprecating humour?'

'Mr. Coleman is on vacation. Would you care to hold?'

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

'You obviously took my suggestion to reduce stress to the extreme.'

"I wanted a Meticulous Monday or a Thorough Thursday report. This reads more like a Frivolous Friday."

Scapegoat of the Year

'Clear out your desk, Randy. ...NEXT!'

"First the good news - one of us hasn't been made redundant."

'Looks like no Christmas bonus this year.'

"This is bad work, Edwards! Bad! Bad! Bad! Bad!"

Impressive qualifications, but seeing as how I'm trying to fill the position I just fired you from...

"I see you have a lot of experience in re-tail. . ."

'You're resigning? What great timing! I was going to lay you off friday!'

When Pro Athletes Enter The Workforce.

Bank P45's - 'Cashier number 5 please.'

"The job is yours. You're a jerk, we're all jerks, I think it'll be a great fit!"

Opp'y of a Lifetime

'Your advert didn't say anything about intelligence... it said you wanted a manager!'

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

"If I'd known you were not looking for experience I wouldn't have lied on my CV."

"Less hair doesn't mean less work!"

"I know you used to be our paperboy. That's why when you leave, you'll find your resume on the roof."

Now hiring.

'We don't have an opening at the moment, but if you'll wait one minute...'