Job Search Jester Pillows

"This your resumé?" "Yes, it's a list of things I hope you never ask me to do."

'We don't have an opening at the moment, but if you'll wait one minute...'

"You're not giving me the job because I'm 'over qualified'? Oh, don't worry, most of those qualifications have been falsified."

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

"And where have you previously moused?"

Born In Captivity.

'I'm afraid you don't have the leadership qualities we're seeking.'

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

'Mr. Coleman is on vacation. Would you care to hold?'

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

'Do you do self-deprecating humour?'

'You obviously took my suggestion to reduce stress to the extreme.'

'Looks like no Christmas bonus this year.'

"First the good news - one of us hasn't been made redundant."

"I wanted a Meticulous Monday or a Thorough Thursday report. This reads more like a Frivolous Friday."

"So, Mr Canary, I see you have experience as a mine safety specialist..."

'Clear out your desk, Randy. ...NEXT!'

"This is bad work, Edwards! Bad! Bad! Bad! Bad!"

Impressive qualifications, but seeing as how I'm trying to fill the position I just fired you from...

When Pro Athletes Enter The Workforce.

'You're resigning? What great timing! I was going to lay you off friday!'

Bank P45's - 'Cashier number 5 please.'

"The job is yours. You're a jerk, we're all jerks, I think it'll be a great fit!"

Opp'y of a Lifetime

"If I'd known you were not looking for experience I wouldn't have lied on my CV."

'Your advert didn't say anything about intelligence... it said you wanted a manager!'

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

"An open one-to-one environment is what you want, an open one-to-one environment is what you get, Ms Praed."

"I know you used to be our paperboy. That's why when you leave, you'll find your resume on the roof."

"I'm not lazy. I'm resting before I get tired."

'I see an applicant being hired!'

"It has come to my attention that you may have been somewhat less than forthcoming in your résumé."