Job-seeking Jester Pillows

Causally dresses interviewee

"I don't need your resume. Your current employer forwarded me a ton of security video that you're featured in."

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

"And where have you previously moused?"

Born In Captivity.

'I'm afraid you don't have the leadership qualities we're seeking.'

'How's everyone doing tonight - that is the question.'

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

"I always check twitter before work, to see if yesterday's joke got me the sack."

'You'll get five paid sick days, plus an additional two when you're shedding your skin.'

'Mr. Coleman is on vacation. Would you care to hold?'

'Do you do self-deprecating humour?'

"This your resumé?" "Yes, it's a list of things I hope you never ask me to do."

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

'You obviously took my suggestion to reduce stress to the extreme.'

Scapegoat of the Year

'Looks like no Christmas bonus this year.'

'Clear out your desk, Randy. ...NEXT!'

"I wanted a Meticulous Monday or a Thorough Thursday report. This reads more like a Frivolous Friday."

"This is bad work, Edwards! Bad! Bad! Bad! Bad!"

"I see you have a lot of experience in re-tail. . ."

Impressive qualifications, but seeing as how I'm trying to fill the position I just fired you from...

Bank P45's - 'Cashier number 5 please.'

A man is selling, 'Cameron voodoo dolls', outside of job centre.

When Pro Athletes Enter The Workforce.

"The job is yours. You're a jerk, we're all jerks, I think it'll be a great fit!"

Opp'y of a Lifetime

"If I'd known you were not looking for experience I wouldn't have lied on my CV."

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

"Less hair doesn't mean less work!"

Now hiring.

'I see an applicant being hired!'