Job-seeking Jester Pillows

Causally dresses interviewee

"I don't need your resume. Your current employer forwarded me a ton of security video that you're featured in."

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

"And where have you previously moused?"

Born In Captivity.

'I'm afraid you don't have the leadership qualities we're seeking.'

'How's everyone doing tonight - that is the question.'

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

'You'll get five paid sick days, plus an additional two when you're shedding your skin.'

"I always check twitter before work, to see if yesterday's joke got me the sack."

'Do you do self-deprecating humour?'

"This your resumé?" "Yes, it's a list of things I hope you never ask me to do."

'Mr. Coleman is on vacation. Would you care to hold?'

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

'You obviously took my suggestion to reduce stress to the extreme.'

Scapegoat of the Year

"I wanted a Meticulous Monday or a Thorough Thursday report. This reads more like a Frivolous Friday."

'Clear out your desk, Randy. ...NEXT!'

'Looks like no Christmas bonus this year.'

"This is bad work, Edwards! Bad! Bad! Bad! Bad!"

Impressive qualifications, but seeing as how I'm trying to fill the position I just fired you from...

A man is selling, 'Cameron voodoo dolls', outside of job centre.

When Pro Athletes Enter The Workforce.

Bank P45's - 'Cashier number 5 please.'

"The job is yours. You're a jerk, we're all jerks, I think it'll be a great fit!"

Opp'y of a Lifetime

"If I'd known you were not looking for experience I wouldn't have lied on my CV."

"Less hair doesn't mean less work!"

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

"I've worked as a wet-nurse for ten years, but I'm after something new now..."

"I know you used to be our paperboy. That's why when you leave, you'll find your resume on the roof."

'We don't have an opening at the moment, but if you'll wait one minute...'