Job Jester Pillows

'I try to think of not having a job as the greatest tax loophole.'

'I like the way you tick, Watkins!'

"I'm looking for one of those jobs where actual work is optional."

'I'd like to be the first to welcome you to the company but I've decided not to hire you.'

'Him? Oh, that's Mr Vandango, a previous applicant. Well now, let's see what job we can find for you, okay'?

"We're going to have to cut employees salaries. My son wants a raise in his allowance."

I'm trying to figure out what drives you... A new company car would be nice.

'Can't you forget about your job... just for one day?'

Should have 'waxed philosophic' instead of being blunt at job interviews.

"I should've expected this when I took that dead-end job."

"My biggest strength would probably be my giant chicken legs."

"Sorry! There's been some mistake. It's elves we're looking for!...Elves!"

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

Employee won't think about work outside of box

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

Born In Captivity.

"The desktop skills test was a little worrying,56% couldn't manage 'Word' 75% were confused by 'Excel' and 43% wanted to know what channel 'Eastenders' was on."

"We need to change, but WHEN?"

"You work too hard. You have stress balls!"

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

"It's confusing when everybody has a pointer."

'You'll get five paid sick days, plus an additional two when you're shedding your skin.'

Team Experiences Cabinet: Productivity, Fun, Goal Setting!

'Why don't you try seeing it from your point of view?'

"This your resumé?" "Yes, it's a list of things I hope you never ask me to do."

'Mr. Coleman is on vacation. Would you care to hold?'

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

'Stay with me now, people, because in Step C, things get a bit delicate.'

"Now this chart should clear up any confusion you have with the report."

'You obviously took my suggestion to reduce stress to the extreme.'

"Well, if you hadn't misfiled it in the first place it wouldn't have been lost."

'I bet you think I'm drinking tea...'

"Let me now direct your attention to the pepperoni."

"I wanted a Meticulous Monday or a Thorough Thursday report. This reads more like a Frivolous Friday."